lazybox | izunia lucis callout

With help and a careful arrangement of schedules to avoid ever having to spend too long with anyone who would be able to tell the difference, except Gil.

[Izunia looks, almost pointedly, at where Church's hand is wrapping around Ardyn's waist. It's not at all a jealous look; if anything, he seems comforted by it.]

Obviously, not going to work here, even if I wanted to.

You didn't ask. And you, don't you dare call him-

[The muttered comment turned to vicious snarling in an instant upon hearing the fond nickname, Ardyn halfway to taking a step forward and holding his hand out for a sword that hadn't been pulled from the Armiger yet--]

[--but the arm around his waist stopped him, arm gradually lowered back to his side. Still tense, still furious, but just...so tired of all of this.]

...not again. I can't just...let you take everything I love again. And how am I ever to trust you when you say that you won't? How am I to trust anything you say to me again?

[He's going to stand firmly right the fuck here unless something happens. Which has a high risk, honestly. If he's about to say something, he actually bites it back to let this play out. It's absolutely his concern, but maybe he should verbally butt the hell out of it before Ardyn snaps at him, and then it'll just turn into something incredibly ugly.]

[It's not the direction he expected this conversation to take. Not that he had any idea what this conversation would be like, really, but of all the possibilities Izunia's mind has played out in the past anyway, this isn't one.]

I don't know, Ardyn. I can't make you trust the words out of my mouth again. Trying would only make it worse.

[Forced trust is no trust at all and they both know it.]

...I don't want to fight you. [He leaned against Church's side, his own arm finding its way around his shoulders--seeking out silent comfort in the way that was uniquely Ardyn's touch-starved lack of subtlety.]

You aren't worth the trouble.

Then are we just gonna do this staredown while you both quietly have total fucking breakdowns and pretend that you're not?

Please, I've been trying to not hyperventilate for half an hour, don't remind me.

[There is nothing quiet about his attempt to not have a total fucking breakdown, here.]

I don't want to fight you, either. I never have.

You had me fucking crucified and now you expect me to believe that, you little-

[...Deep breath.]

...So what, then? I live in paranoia that a traitorous coward is walking around wearing my face, and you just go about your life as you ever have?

We could take him with us.

[It's not something Ardyn will like. Or anyone will like. But the suggestion, the compromise, has to be brought up, and neither of these fuckheads are gonna say it.]

I was trying to kill the monster that took my brother away from me. I was just too much a fool to realize they were one in the same.

[Ah, there's the subject he was expecting to dominate this conversation. Izunia sighs, and pulls a pen from the Armiger to flick between his fingers. No point disguising his old nervous gestures.

He doesn't answer Church's comment just yet, waiting for Ardyn's reaction. There's way too many ways to screw that idea up, and he - he doesn't even know what he wants, right now.]

The only thing you killed was what remained of your brother. Nice job screwing that one up, by the way.

[Ardyn scowled, tightening his hold on Church even as his shoulders went rigid with barely-restrained fury.]

I would rather die. And I'm aware that is a weighted statement when it comes to me, but in this case I mean the turn of phrase as intended. Over my countless-times-dead body does he come with us.

Why the fuck not? You get to keep tabs on him, make damn sure he's not out sullying your oh so good name, we all get to kick him in the balls--cuz, trust me, there are plenty of us that would like a turn--and then you get to, I dunno, fucking talk to each other. Or fucking don't. You know where he is and what he's up to, and he's having a miserable fucking time of it.

[Yeah, okay, that was one of two reactions he expected. Izunia sighs and debates throwing his pen at Church, just briefly, for being dumb.]

And meanwhile his fully justified paranoia that I'm gathering information to replace him again grows to the size of this rock we're all standing on.

[Come on, Church, surely you're not - actually no you still wouldn't be the stupidest pretty face Ardyn's ever picked up so maybe you are that dumb.]

Because, in the most eloquent manner of speaking, fuck that, Leonard.

[or in other words, yes izunia is correct here]

[Oh, he is absolutely that dumb! He'll probably get even dumber. Just you watch.]

That's fucking stupid.

[He blinks, and stares up at Ardyn, a little incredulous.] You're fucking stupid and beyond paranoid.

[Be grateful you have the one thing Izunia is actually scared of halfway wrapped around you right now, Church, because his pen is twitching badly.

It's strange, in some ways. He hasn't felt this much like 'Izunia' in lifetimes.]

It's not completely irrational, given the circumstances. And I still have enough of his habits ingrained to make things worse.

[If it wasn't a fountain pen he'd probably be clicking it right now. Instead, the end of it taps on the glass counter. The one stress tell he never fully managed to control - Izunia is a fidgeter.]

It's not something I want, but that's the way it is.

[Ardyn's shoulders went rigid, expression very carefully held as something calm enough to be unreadable.]

Fine. [His voice was ice cold, pulling away from Church and turning away towards the door.] Fine. Take his side, see if I care. As if I didn't know this would happen.

[Of course he'd known, in that dark corner of his mind that threatened to take over entirely now; in what 'Ardyn Izunia' had known for two thousand years. Trust was worth nothing, loyalty and compassion nothing but a nice concept spoken of in fairytales.]

I hope you're pleased with yourself, oh Founder King- [and despite everything, Ardyn's voice cracked and faltered midsentence.] -now that you're doing all of this again. Why don't you two just have a nice discussion about how much better you'll be once you're rid of my paranoia.

Wha-

[That's to him. Ardyn's being cold to him. And leaving. Leaving. And, what, and accusing him or liking the brother he's met for all of twenty minutes better? Church's emotions have always been worn directly on his tattered sleeves, confusion, hurt.

It always seemed that, despite half of his memories or more being fake, no matter how much he cared for Tex, no matter how close he imagined they were, he spent more time watching her walk away than anything else. She was always leaving, why did she always leave--]

Don't! [It's a cracked and broken noise of a word, and he practically launches himself at Ardyn.] You dumbass stupid fucking moron, I'm not siding with him, jesus, did you go blind and deaf in your old age?! You want me to kill him for you, I'll do it, I just--I'm trying to figure this out and fix--I'm trying to fix this for you cuz I know it's gotta be killing you!

[Which, in retrospect, was a mistake. He knows his track record in helping.]

[Let Church try to catch up with Ardyn. Izunia has an idea that might be better, might be worse -

The pen goes zinging past both their heads, and Izunia after it, warping into place with his back against the door, solidly in Ardyn's path.

If Ardyn wants the Founder King, he'll get him. There's a set to Izunia's jaw that speaks of the years he spent building a country out of rubble and his own grief, the will of a man who knows exactly what it means to wear the ring around Ardyn's finger.]

Hate me all you like, I've done everything possible to deserve it. But I will not sit back and watch you burn your relationship with anyone else over the things I've done, especially not for something so stupid as a thoughtless comment from someone who loves you.

[Ardyn had frozen at no more than one word from Church; despite everything, despite knowing (in the way paranoid terror wore the mask of objective fact) that he would only be replaced again, knowing only betrayal and expulsion and Gilgamesh's abandonment-]

[...he couldn't take another step away from that voice. Couldn't push him away even though the fear and pain of a hundred thousand betrayals made him sure that pushing him away would be safer. He actively flinched backwards at Izunia warping in front of him, staring at the ground and threading his hands through unnatural violet hair to press against his head.]

Stop it. Shut up, shut up, shut up-

[It didn't even sound like he was talking to them at this point...but to the voice of doubt in his head that shouted it's over, he's the same as Gilgamesh, they'll all be just like Lucis and forget you. Replaceable, worthless, broken savior. No one has any need for a monster when they could have the king standing before you.]

...can't fix it. Too many pieces to assemble, Lucis Caelum and Tenmyouji and Izunia all scattered and thrown together like they can fit into one. Broken, useless, all of it. I can't be salvaged from this. I don't even know who I am, just broken and empty and Astrals, please don't leave me alone again-

[If the rambling made any sense whatsoever, odds were good only Ardyn could really grasp the full meaning of whatever he was trying to express--but the mounting panic was very, very clear all the same.]

[He's seen Ardyn at his worst (no, his brother must have seen him truly at his worst, or Noctis, not him), and even this scares him. It sounds like when his own memories and mind fracturing and fragmenting after a bad night, glass soldier. This scares him, the idea, the possibility of losing him now that he's being confronted with the past that's hurt him so much.

Church came around to his front, hands gently on his face. Solid, grounding, give him ground.]

Ardyn, hey, no. No. I'm not gonna leave you. Never, not ever. This man in front of me, whoever he is, whatever he's become, he's Ardyn, and he loves me. [The first order.] We're both full of--of pieces, trying to figure out who the fuck we are, a-and it's gonna suck, but it's gonna suck for us together, okay? Fuck this guy. We can just leave. We can leave right now. If we can't fix it, we can--we can at least move on, yeah?

[If they want to leave, they can - so long as it's together. Izunia's stance relaxes, and he slides away from the door. Not quite out of line of sight, with the shelves set up the way they are, but out of immediate range.

He doesn't know what he could do here, not without making Ardyn any worse, so he leaves that part to Church, who is a complete idiot but probably knows better what to say than he does. Literally anyone would know better what to say than Izunia, really.

Instead, he leans against the end of a shelving unit and slides down until he's sitting on his ass, knees peaked in front of him, and decides now's as good a time as any to give in to that hyperventilating that's been threatening him for a while.

x2 Lucis Caelum Breakdown Combo]

[Even after all this time, they still managed to be twins in some respects.]

...I'm sorry. [He scrambled to pull together a thousand broken pieces into something half-functional, faltering and all but collapsing against Church's shoulder as he did.] I'm not-...I'm not him. I'm Ardyn, the real one, so don't-...

[...what? 'Don't leave'? 'Don't replace me'? Even Ardyn wasn't sure where he was going with that, and he was too shaken to find out.]

Shhhhhh, hey now. [He's no good as a Shield or a boyfriend if he can't carry his king. He gathers Ardyn against him, nuzzling into his hair, leaving a kiss, a string of kisses, holding fast.

Izunia is also not doing all right, but he doesn't know what to for him. Doesn't care, either.]

You're Ardyn, and you're real, and I love you, and I'm not gonna leave you. Even if I die, I won't leave you, cuz my ghost is gonna haunt your entire ass the rest of your life, you got that?

[Ardyn didn't answer right away, forcing himself to pull the broken shards of whoever he was back together so that they'd hold until the next time something threw them against a wall. He took a deep breath, and when he finally spoke he sounded a little more like his normal human self.]

I know. I'm...sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you, and I'll...I'll try not to again.

[Another breath. Focus, concentrate, he very carefully disentangled himself from Church after a moment and walked over to kneel in front of his twin brother with a coldly critical look on his face.]

...Izunia.

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