izunia lucis callout

[founderinglight]

you will pry twinzunia from my cold dead hands let's do this

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[motherfucking_ghost]

But just a punch? Really, is it just a punch?

[founderinglight]

For all I did, none of it was exactly under the pretense of sparring.

...And I'm only letting any given person have one freebie, otherwise there won't be anything left.

[scourgingstars]

Yes, let me just tell that to my crippling trust issues.

[both of you are children]

And I think you'll find you've no say whatsoever in that matter, you'll get what's coming to you and not complain about it.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...The one freebie could be a nutshot is what you're saying. Essentially.

[founderinglight]

I won't try and convince you.

[Don't want to work on it, he'll leave it there and shrug at Church instead.]

I've had two children, not like I need any more.

[scourgingstars]

Don't look at me, I'm not going to stop you.

[motherfucking_ghost]

God, see, you just gave me a whole wide open world of options. How am I supposed to choose?

[founderinglight]

You can take a rain check and decide later?

[scourgingstars]

That is a fair point. Gives you time to end up looking like Gladio before you decide to make good on that threat.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...But then he has time to get away, and also, what if, what if I hit him multiple times?

[founderinglight]

I'm afraid he's probably never going to get there, Ardyn.

One freebie! Only one!

[scourgingstars]

I can dream.

I'm afraid you'll just have to make one shot count, darling.

[motherfucking_ghost]

I'll fight him. I'll do it! Just give me the word! [He says with popcorn and soda still in hand.]

[founderinglight]

You can keep the idea, I liked Ignis better anyway.

[Swoon, Ignis.]

[scourgingstars]

Gods, honestly. Can't even recognize a date when he's asked, that one.

[CAN YOU TWO PLEASE NOT]

You're not going to outright fight him, Leonard dear.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Wh--who the fuck else would you ask out but me?! And why can't I fight him, I'll fight him, I'll knock him out!

[founderinglight]

To be fair, it was you asking. Damn if that's not a man who knows exactly what he wants.

[Cough.]

You're not fighting me because I can still put more swords into you in thirty seconds than there are in this room.

[scourgingstars]

No one, dearest, it was a long time ago. And though it nauseates me to even say these words, my brother is right. If you can't beat me in training, you've no chance against either of us in an actual fight.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Well, then, you definitely can't fight Ardyn, either, fucko, cuz I'm his Shield, so if you did fight him, you'd probably have to kill me anyway, and then you'd be extra fucking dead. You'd be so dead you wouldn't have any kind of spirit-y afterlife to haunt in a ring, you'd just be obliterated in an instant, and my ghost'll get a ghost boner watching it happen.

[founderinglight]

...If I was really intent on it, I'd warp behind you and trip you. That usually works.

[scourgingstars]

He would, he learned that one from me.

[relax, church. have an arm back around your waist.]

But yes. If he puts a hand on you, I'll rip him apart.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Patience isn't my strong suit. I could wait 'til I've got muscles as big as my head, or maybe I could take a sword and sword him through for you. That's technically one shot.

Or I grab a fake sword and get him right in the nuts, that's always good for a laugh too. Less blood.

Or maybe I'm just a shitty Shield-in-name-only and if you ever get in trouble I'll be useless, there's that too.

[founderinglight]

Like you didn't steal just as many of my tricks.

[Oh, back in the days when they were brothers who shared everything and didn't bother to keep track.

They might never have that again. If he tries to force it, they'll definitely never have that again. Being able to at least laugh together again is a wonderful sign.]

Most things aren't going to be as dangerous as another Lucis Caelum. I'm sure you're doing fine.

[scourgingstars]

Hush, darling, you're an impeccable Shield. Notably, you're still here.

[bitter, nah.]

Though he does have a point. The line of kings is a special strain of danger in and of themselves.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Yeah, okay, well, I mean, yours was also with you how many years before fucking off. ...Wait, that's not the point I mean to make. That's not--I'm not gonna do that, I'm just saying--

Maybe I should stop saying. Yeah.