izunia lucis callout

[founderinglight]

you will pry twinzunia from my cold dead hands let's do this

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[founderinglight]

[You're both terrible.]

Yes, like most identical twins I have some awareness of what I look like from behind.

...And Ardyn, I was always the better elementalist and you know it.

[scourgingstars]

[the worst]

I didn't have to be good with elemental magic, I could lift a greatsword without my arms threatening to snap like twigs. Unlike some people I know.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Wow, are we having a twin dick measuring contest right now? I can legitimately go grab popcorn, this is sure to be entertaining.

[founderinglight]

[Church, you know what kind of family you're marrying into?

It's the kind of family where Izunia literally just pulls a full sized bucket of popcorn - complete with the logo of the local theater - out of his Armiger and hands it to you without missing a beat.]

You'll need a new response to that one, I can use your sword as well as you now. That was actually slightly more important than being able to pass as you in bed.

[Just slightly.]

[scourgingstars]

Yes, well, we'll see how well you fight with a few dozen other swords in your face.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Holy shit. Holy shit. He takes the popcorn, mouth agape. And then he holds his other hand out to Ardyn wordlessly. Drink, pull out a drink pronto.]

Fuck 'im up, babe.

[founderinglight]

If you recall, that was my trick first. The royal arms I have might not compare to your selection, but I've always done more with less.

[scourgingstars]

And I have oft been compared to a dualhorn in a china shop, as you'll recall.

[here church have a bottle of soda]

Don't provoke me into leveling this quaint little storefront, because we both know I've done worse for less reason.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Yeah, he's just gonna take a step or three back with popcorn and a soda and wait for the show to start.] Hey, if I sold tickets, do you think I'd make some good money? [church stop]

[founderinglight]

If you really want to have at it, I know places that are far less likely to bring authorities down on our heads.

...And if you intend to sell tickets to my demise, I demand a fair cut.

[scourgingstars]

...You're not worth fighting. I should think I'm a little better than constant homicidal rage these days.

[motherfucking_ghost]

You can't get a fair cut, you'll be dead!

Look, if you're not gonna fight him, you want me to fight him?

[founderinglight]

Give it to my part timer.

[On account of the fact that the kid will need another job, like, immediately.]

...It doesn't have to involve homicidal rage, you know.

[Sparring with someone on your own level is a thing, Ardyn. A thing Izunia isn't going to push, but - he does miss it.]

[scourgingstars]

Excuse my fully justified paranoia about being drawn into a 'friendly match' with you of all people. And my fiancé still owes you a punch.

[motherfucking_ghost]

But just a punch? Really, is it just a punch?

[founderinglight]

For all I did, none of it was exactly under the pretense of sparring.

...And I'm only letting any given person have one freebie, otherwise there won't be anything left.

[scourgingstars]

Yes, let me just tell that to my crippling trust issues.

[both of you are children]

And I think you'll find you've no say whatsoever in that matter, you'll get what's coming to you and not complain about it.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...The one freebie could be a nutshot is what you're saying. Essentially.

[founderinglight]

I won't try and convince you.

[Don't want to work on it, he'll leave it there and shrug at Church instead.]

I've had two children, not like I need any more.

[scourgingstars]

Don't look at me, I'm not going to stop you.

[motherfucking_ghost]

God, see, you just gave me a whole wide open world of options. How am I supposed to choose?

[founderinglight]

You can take a rain check and decide later?

[scourgingstars]

That is a fair point. Gives you time to end up looking like Gladio before you decide to make good on that threat.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...But then he has time to get away, and also, what if, what if I hit him multiple times?

[founderinglight]

I'm afraid he's probably never going to get there, Ardyn.

One freebie! Only one!