izunia lucis callout

[founderinglight]

you will pry twinzunia from my cold dead hands let's do this

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[scourgingstars]

And I have oft been compared to a dualhorn in a china shop, as you'll recall.

[here church have a bottle of soda]

Don't provoke me into leveling this quaint little storefront, because we both know I've done worse for less reason.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Yeah, he's just gonna take a step or three back with popcorn and a soda and wait for the show to start.] Hey, if I sold tickets, do you think I'd make some good money? [church stop]

[founderinglight]

If you really want to have at it, I know places that are far less likely to bring authorities down on our heads.

...And if you intend to sell tickets to my demise, I demand a fair cut.

[scourgingstars]

...You're not worth fighting. I should think I'm a little better than constant homicidal rage these days.

[motherfucking_ghost]

You can't get a fair cut, you'll be dead!

Look, if you're not gonna fight him, you want me to fight him?

[founderinglight]

Give it to my part timer.

[On account of the fact that the kid will need another job, like, immediately.]

...It doesn't have to involve homicidal rage, you know.

[Sparring with someone on your own level is a thing, Ardyn. A thing Izunia isn't going to push, but - he does miss it.]

[scourgingstars]

Excuse my fully justified paranoia about being drawn into a 'friendly match' with you of all people. And my fiancé still owes you a punch.

[motherfucking_ghost]

But just a punch? Really, is it just a punch?

[founderinglight]

For all I did, none of it was exactly under the pretense of sparring.

...And I'm only letting any given person have one freebie, otherwise there won't be anything left.

[scourgingstars]

Yes, let me just tell that to my crippling trust issues.

[both of you are children]

And I think you'll find you've no say whatsoever in that matter, you'll get what's coming to you and not complain about it.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...The one freebie could be a nutshot is what you're saying. Essentially.

[founderinglight]

I won't try and convince you.

[Don't want to work on it, he'll leave it there and shrug at Church instead.]

I've had two children, not like I need any more.

[scourgingstars]

Don't look at me, I'm not going to stop you.

[motherfucking_ghost]

God, see, you just gave me a whole wide open world of options. How am I supposed to choose?

[founderinglight]

You can take a rain check and decide later?

[scourgingstars]

That is a fair point. Gives you time to end up looking like Gladio before you decide to make good on that threat.

[motherfucking_ghost]

...But then he has time to get away, and also, what if, what if I hit him multiple times?

[founderinglight]

I'm afraid he's probably never going to get there, Ardyn.

One freebie! Only one!

[scourgingstars]

I can dream.

I'm afraid you'll just have to make one shot count, darling.

[motherfucking_ghost]

I'll fight him. I'll do it! Just give me the word! [He says with popcorn and soda still in hand.]

[founderinglight]

You can keep the idea, I liked Ignis better anyway.

[Swoon, Ignis.]

[scourgingstars]

Gods, honestly. Can't even recognize a date when he's asked, that one.

[CAN YOU TWO PLEASE NOT]

You're not going to outright fight him, Leonard dear.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Wh--who the fuck else would you ask out but me?! And why can't I fight him, I'll fight him, I'll knock him out!

[founderinglight]

To be fair, it was you asking. Damn if that's not a man who knows exactly what he wants.

[Cough.]

You're not fighting me because I can still put more swords into you in thirty seconds than there are in this room.

[scourgingstars]

No one, dearest, it was a long time ago. And though it nauseates me to even say these words, my brother is right. If you can't beat me in training, you've no chance against either of us in an actual fight.