izunia lucis callout

[founderinglight]

you will pry twinzunia from my cold dead hands let's do this

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[founderinglight]

If he's been training you, I doubt he's shown you anything like his full strength there.

[Beat.]

He always did like playing with his food.

[scourgingstars]

He can't beat me in a fight.

[smiiiiiiiiiiiiile]

Leonard, darling, if Xander can't beat me, you don't stand a chance.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Didn't say it had to be a fair fight...

[founderinglight]

A fair fight is the only one you stand any kind of chance in, and that's not likely to happen. The only person in our family who actually believes in those is Noctis.

[Completely casual, but also like. Dude the Lucis Caelums are a bunch of underhanded cheaters, they're in politics.

[scourgingstars]

...Well, he isn't wrong.

[says the guy who kicked noctis in the ribs like a soccer ball]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Okay, but I'm also just saying, the next time I have you tied up...

[founderinglight]

...Something I very much do not need to hear about in any detail, thank you.

[GUYS??? PLEASE NO.]

[scourgingstars]

You never were any fun at all, brother dear.

[motherfucking_ghost]

So you don't want to hear about blindfolds or the way he melts when I lick his scars? [He can ruin both of you at once, he doesn't mind.]

[founderinglight]

I knew about the blindfolds, actually. I am nothing if not dedicated to accuracy.

[Completely deadpan, even knowing that that sentence is probably going to get him murdered later.]

[scourgingstars]

You're lucky you can use that tongue for more than running your mouth like an idiot.

[what's shame]

...I don't know if I should punch you or be mildly impressed at the commitment, brother.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Do you get called Your Majesty in bed, too? Or say all kinds of really nice things about your partner, I wish I could do that effectively, just, uh, kinda can't, though...

[founderinglight]

[Ardyn's comment gets a half laugh and a flourishing bow, complete with Armiger-summoned feathered hat. Better than the reaction he was fearing, really.]

My attention to detail is my only redeeming feature.

[Church you get no information on his sex life at all though sorry man.]

[scourgingstars]

Oh, call me 'Your Majesty' again~

[what are brothers for if not to make each other uncomfortable]

And he's right, there's not much else of interest that wasn't mine first.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Have you paid attention to these fine glutes? [Insert Church grabbing Ardyn's ass here.] Cuz I've paid them a lot of attention. To detail, you could say.

[founderinglight]

[You're both terrible.]

Yes, like most identical twins I have some awareness of what I look like from behind.

...And Ardyn, I was always the better elementalist and you know it.

[scourgingstars]

[the worst]

I didn't have to be good with elemental magic, I could lift a greatsword without my arms threatening to snap like twigs. Unlike some people I know.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Wow, are we having a twin dick measuring contest right now? I can legitimately go grab popcorn, this is sure to be entertaining.

[founderinglight]

[Church, you know what kind of family you're marrying into?

It's the kind of family where Izunia literally just pulls a full sized bucket of popcorn - complete with the logo of the local theater - out of his Armiger and hands it to you without missing a beat.]

You'll need a new response to that one, I can use your sword as well as you now. That was actually slightly more important than being able to pass as you in bed.

[Just slightly.]

[scourgingstars]

Yes, well, we'll see how well you fight with a few dozen other swords in your face.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Holy shit. Holy shit. He takes the popcorn, mouth agape. And then he holds his other hand out to Ardyn wordlessly. Drink, pull out a drink pronto.]

Fuck 'im up, babe.

[founderinglight]

If you recall, that was my trick first. The royal arms I have might not compare to your selection, but I've always done more with less.

[scourgingstars]

And I have oft been compared to a dualhorn in a china shop, as you'll recall.

[here church have a bottle of soda]

Don't provoke me into leveling this quaint little storefront, because we both know I've done worse for less reason.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Yeah, he's just gonna take a step or three back with popcorn and a soda and wait for the show to start.] Hey, if I sold tickets, do you think I'd make some good money? [church stop]

[founderinglight]

If you really want to have at it, I know places that are far less likely to bring authorities down on our heads.

...And if you intend to sell tickets to my demise, I demand a fair cut.