izunia lucis callout

[founderinglight]

you will pry twinzunia from my cold dead hands let's do this

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[scourgingstars]

In other words, I have marginally less chance of getting set on fire, while you have a one-hundred-percent-absolute-certainty of blowing the fuck up if this damn thing ever works again.

Idiot.

[beat]

What the hell do you mean 'unquestionably-Ardyn questionable traits'?!

[motherfucking_ghost]

He was all scourge-ified when he first put the damn thing on, and given how most shit out of that dumbwaiter was a fake plastic version, I'm still convinced it's fake as hell anyway. You and Noctis can't both have it!

[founderinglight]

...I mean, if you're willing to pass it here, I can tell you for sure. I was in the damn thing for two thousand years, I'm the closest thing you're going to get to an expert.

[Also his business is literally looking for counterfeits these days, that also helps.]

[scourgingstars]

I was here first, I'm wearing the damn ring, and I don't care if it's fake or not you're not wearing it, Leonard!

[actual child.]

[motherfucking_ghost]

I pulled your ass out of the dark thanks to that ring, the least you could do is let me try it the hell on to convince you it's okay!

[founderinglight]

[Izunia throws up his hands in a universal "I am not getting in the middle of this lover's spat" gesture and says nothing.]

[scourgingstars]

Yes, and I don't want someone I love to accidentally SET HIMSELF ON FUCKING FIRE, dumbass!

[izunia please be the adult here]

[motherfucking_ghost]

I'M NOT GONNA GET SET ON FIRE THAT'S LITERALLY THE POINT I'M MAKING! [fandom likes to paint wash as the only screechy yeller, but no, church came first]

[founderinglight]

[Why is he gonna be the adult you were both ready to kill him an hour ago!

He just sighs.]

Ridiculously perfectly matched... Unless you're literally going to fight the ring off him, which I don't advise, it's clearly not going anywhere.

[scourgingstars]

[JUST CROSSES HIS ARMS AND LOOKS QUITE ANNOYED]

[someone stop these two]

[motherfucking_ghost]

I've been training with him I could fight him. [church no] You know I was gonna try and take it off him to figure out his stupid ring size and be all sneaky about it? Didn't fucking take!

[founderinglight]

If he's been training you, I doubt he's shown you anything like his full strength there.

[Beat.]

He always did like playing with his food.

[scourgingstars]

He can't beat me in a fight.

[smiiiiiiiiiiiiile]

Leonard, darling, if Xander can't beat me, you don't stand a chance.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Didn't say it had to be a fair fight...

[founderinglight]

A fair fight is the only one you stand any kind of chance in, and that's not likely to happen. The only person in our family who actually believes in those is Noctis.

[Completely casual, but also like. Dude the Lucis Caelums are a bunch of underhanded cheaters, they're in politics.

[scourgingstars]

...Well, he isn't wrong.

[says the guy who kicked noctis in the ribs like a soccer ball]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Okay, but I'm also just saying, the next time I have you tied up...

[founderinglight]

...Something I very much do not need to hear about in any detail, thank you.

[GUYS??? PLEASE NO.]

[scourgingstars]

You never were any fun at all, brother dear.

[motherfucking_ghost]

So you don't want to hear about blindfolds or the way he melts when I lick his scars? [He can ruin both of you at once, he doesn't mind.]

[founderinglight]

I knew about the blindfolds, actually. I am nothing if not dedicated to accuracy.

[Completely deadpan, even knowing that that sentence is probably going to get him murdered later.]

[scourgingstars]

You're lucky you can use that tongue for more than running your mouth like an idiot.

[what's shame]

...I don't know if I should punch you or be mildly impressed at the commitment, brother.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Do you get called Your Majesty in bed, too? Or say all kinds of really nice things about your partner, I wish I could do that effectively, just, uh, kinda can't, though...

[founderinglight]

[Ardyn's comment gets a half laugh and a flourishing bow, complete with Armiger-summoned feathered hat. Better than the reaction he was fearing, really.]

My attention to detail is my only redeeming feature.

[Church you get no information on his sex life at all though sorry man.]

[scourgingstars]

Oh, call me 'Your Majesty' again~

[what are brothers for if not to make each other uncomfortable]

And he's right, there's not much else of interest that wasn't mine first.