Them's the facts. I mean, what kind of weirdo insists on adopting a guy who does, actually, you know, have decent parents? Time displacement notwithstanding.
[Hey, that's fine, you know what Junpei does with real answers and serious questions? He ups the flippancy. There must be balance in the Force.]
Oh, we met while kidnapped interdimensionally through space and time to some galaxy roughly five forty-five hundred years in my future. I don't even know what it'd work out to for you guys from Eos.
I don't think it's in my universe exactly. Just a handful fewer timelines removed from my history than yours, since Earth is still definitely a thing there and Eos is probably considered intellectual property of InterGal 7.
Not that different from what Eos is like around Noct and that blond kid's time, from what I can tell. Except we don't have daemons, magic, or chocobos, and most of our wildlife isn't big enough to eat us. And gods just stay inside religion where they belong.
Well, are you good at escape rooms? Or math? If not, killing people is still pretty marketable, I don't think Lucians ever have to worry about that job market drying up.
[Talk about boring, geez. Junpei snorts and raises the brandy.]
Okay, then I guess maybe you'd have had a shot at getting thrown into a death game with the esper kids in case they don't have the STEM background to solve time travel before incineration. Exciting enough for you?
Eh, it's whatever. Some people play piano or rule kingdoms, some people survive murder games. We all have a calling. Doesn't need to be overly traumatic.
[Says Junpei, taking one last pull of brandy before finally setting the bottle down.]
...You want me to start with the third one? He made it out fine. Better than he started, even.
[Yes hello of fucking course he wants to hear about how the fuck his brother the incarnation of spite and loathing wound up adopting a kid? Who do you think you're talking to?]
[Excuse you, he adopted a fucking adult, thanks much? Junpei will be twenty-three next month. He taps his fingers against the side of the bottle before he starts.]
There were twenty of us kidnapped from different worlds and times, trapped in a mansion in outer space for what we were told was a reality show. In a way, that's true; what we did there was broadcast to an intergalactic audience. Billions of watchers, I think. Something like that. But they don't know we're not actors. That real people are stolen away, any natural powers they have inhibited to prevent escape on their own terms, and told that if they want out, they have to kill someone and get away with it.
They also erased a significant portion of our memories. Dad lost about two thousand years, so you can probably imagine what that was like for him.
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[You know, if you want to feel old.]
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[Man you haven't even seen anything, Junpei. Why couldn't the dream dump you in the modern Insomnia?]
Again, we were hardly ahead of our time. We were the establishing influence.
... Though for my peace of mind, if he kept the spats, do not tell me.
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I adore Ardyn relentlessly but he is an absolute disaster in completely Starscourge-unrelated ways.
[Junpei you're his favorite now.]
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[A disaster weirdo is what he's saying.]
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[You tries to be flippant but got a real answer, Junpei, no wonder Ardyn thinks he has no sense of humor.]
Time displacement?
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Oh, we met while kidnapped interdimensionally through space and time to some galaxy roughly five forty-five hundred years in my future. I don't even know what it'd work out to for you guys from Eos.
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[He says it so tonelessly it's hard to tell if that's a joke or if he legitimately does hate copyright law.]
What's your Earth like, then?
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A world where my only useful skill is politics somehow seems even more depressing, put like that.
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Oh, I'm very good at math.
[Better than his player, actually, who stalled out at calculus.]
Before... everything, I expected to wind up in magitek research somewhere. The theory side, not the engine building side like Ardyn always preferred.
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[Talk about boring, geez. Junpei snorts and raises the brandy.]
Okay, then I guess maybe you'd have had a shot at getting thrown into a death game with the esper kids in case they don't have the STEM background to solve time travel before incineration. Exciting enough for you?
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[He knows physics, therefore he's good at warping and big booms.]
...Exciting, and yet I feel the need to express that there is something deeply fucking wrong with it.
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[But it's not like he's bitter or anything. Definitely not why he takes another drink.]
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What's he even supposed to say to that?]
...You certainly fit in fine with this family, if you're used to dealing with that.
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[And a fourth on the horizon. And a fifth in an alternate future.]
But who's counting?
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I feel as though I don't wish to know, and yet I have to ask anyway.
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[Says Junpei, taking one last pull of brandy before finally setting the bottle down.]
...You want me to start with the third one? He made it out fine. Better than he started, even.
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[Yes hello of fucking course he wants to hear about how the fuck his brother the incarnation of spite and loathing wound up adopting a kid? Who do you think you're talking to?]
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There were twenty of us kidnapped from different worlds and times, trapped in a mansion in outer space for what we were told was a reality show. In a way, that's true; what we did there was broadcast to an intergalactic audience. Billions of watchers, I think. Something like that. But they don't know we're not actors. That real people are stolen away, any natural powers they have inhibited to prevent escape on their own terms, and told that if they want out, they have to kill someone and get away with it.
They also erased a significant portion of our memories. Dad lost about two thousand years, so you can probably imagine what that was like for him.
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