izunia lucis callout

[founderinglight]

you will pry twinzunia from my cold dead hands let's do this

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[founderinglight]

Noctis was dragged into this as well?!

[HEY UH JUNPEI THAT'S KIND OF UH. HIS OTHER FAVORITE PERSON okay no let him breathe and take a gulp of cider here to calm down.]

No, keep going as you were. To answer the question, while I 'slept' through much of the two thousand years Lucis existed, I was passingly aware of a great deal, and very awake after a certain 'Chancellor Izunia' showed himself into Regis' throne room with Niflheim's terms. In fact, I was probably the most active and aware of any of the kings - not that it amounted to much.

[misanthropicprinciple]

Noct is fine! Uh, as fine as any of us are, anyway. What I mean is, he is not, as far as I know, currently dead or even "dead"-- [With air quotes.] --like anyone who dies in these things gets. Which I guess I should start explaining. ...Shit, he's like your one hundred and thirteenth great grandkid, isn't he? Wow.

[ANYWAY.]

The short version is, every week, our captors would try to give us extra incentive to kill one of our fellow captives and try not to get found out. Meanwhile, the rest of us were expected to do an investigation and then share our findings in a "trial." Of course, in a closed space like that, there's almost no way to get away with murder, but that doesn't stop people from being morons.

[He's quiet for a moment, then adds:]

Though most of the killings in our season were accidental. The other rounds weren't quite so friendly.

[founderinglight]

It would be a hundred and eleven greats, so let's stick with him being my favorite descendant.

[THIS IS AN EASIER TERM FOR ALL INVOLVED. After a bracing swallow, he simply gestures Junpei to continue.]

[misanthropicprinciple]

...Somehow, they engineered it so deaths and trials always happened on Fridays. There was never a case in which a killer went undetected. Even when it was an accident, they'd be executed. The rest of the time... we looked for a way out, or just did what we could to keep ourselves sane.

Every Sunday, we'd remember something we'd forgotten. Mostly I remembered the second life or death game I was in. Ardyn and Church--uh, his... roommate--they remembered more about... what happened to them. What they were. Yuuri--my girlfriend--she remembered things that happened to her and her friends in the zombie apocalypse. Things like that.

That might've been the hardest part, more than the deaths. We were stuck in an unlivable present, squeezed between terrible, inescapable pasts, and a future full of death. So, that sucked.

[founderinglight]

[For a moment, he imagines it - the man he was when he was the age he appears to be now, or even younger - the boy younger than Junpei, whose brother had just discovered his ability to cure a plague -

That person, suddenly uncovering the memories of the Izunia who sits here now.

The weight of his regrets seems suddenly far greater than usual. Good time to drink.]

That might be an understatement. I can only imagine - Ardyn must have practically destroyed himself all over again.

[misanthropicprinciple]

Yeah, a little. But the time with us before he remembered must've stuck hard, or maybe Church and Yuuri and I were just extra persistent--especially Church--or the break from feeling Scourgey he had about midway helped, or something... I don't know. By the end, he was resolved to get us out, even knowing everything he was and did.

We're... kind of his Glaive now. Me and Chuch and Yuuri. His Kingsglaive.

[founderinglight]

...He was never really close to anyone, save myself and his Shield. Even before he got the healing powers - magic was very rare, and so soon after the Astral War, viewed as the sort of holiness that no one wanted to get close to. Growing up, it was just us.

[Ardyn was always a friendly face, took patients and lovers both in numbers Izunia doesn't want to think about. But he wasn't close to anyone. Never had that sworn band of brothers, the way later kings would.

If Junpei watches the implications closely, he'll realize quickly enough - neither did Izunia.]

...Thank you.

[misanthropicprinciple]

It's not something to thank us for. You know it's not a one-way street.

[Junpei shrugs again.]

He takes care of us, too. Makes sure... that we're not stuck on the people we used to be 'just us' for, either.

[founderinglight]

Doesn't matter. Take the gratitude like you've been drinking that - without complaint and letting it warm you from the inside.

[Did Ardyn ever mention that he was also the poetic garbage brother?]

[misanthropicprinciple]

Ugh. If you're gonna put things like that all the time, I'm going to have to keep drinking.

[And so he does.]

[founderinglight]

[Izunia just. Beams at him. Yeah, he absolutely says shit like that all the time.

Goodness but you are his brother's child.]

For the good of your liver, I am only providing you the one bottle.

[Two thousand year old adult.]

[misanthropicprinciple]

Uhh, for the good of my liver, I have to point out that downing an entire bottle this size would kill a nonmagical, normal human being my size? In a place like this, anyway. With all the spikes. Just saying.

[Junpei does not in any way, shape, or form, put the bottle back down.]

[founderinglight]

Yes, that's why for the good of both of us I'm not drinking anything more than this and we're leaving by warp.

[Don't worry Junpei your uncle has got this well in hand.]

Assuming you don't just wake up.

[misanthropicprinciple]

If the fifty thousand times I fell on the spikes and into nothingness or onto the fucking floor didn't wake me up, I don't know what will.

[He surveys their surroundings thoughtfully once more.]

I actually wasn't even sure I was dreaming. I mean, sure, physics are fucked and I guess this is the kind of puzzle-solving crap I'd dream about, but it felt a little... too not-me to be a dream. My subconscious doesn't typically work in dungeons.

[founderinglight]

[A small 'hm.']

I can't say it's especially likely to be mine, either. Aside from it being one of the few remnants of Solheim left by Noctis' era, I can't claim any particular connection to it.

[He gestures with the hand holding the bottle.]

If you'd rather, there are less oppressive surroundings.

[misanthropicprinciple]

...I mean, is this place worth solving? Or is it one of those, 'the real treasure was the horrific trauma you accumulated all along!' deals.

[Zero Escape is a Fun Puzzle Game! :)]

[founderinglight]

...It's been uninhabited for two thousand years, what do you think?

[They're lucky it's not crawling in daemons like every other ruin from the time period.

...Well mostly Junpei is lucky. Izunia would be fine.]

I'm reasonably sure if there was anything here, Noctis cleaned it out in one of his endless fits of wanderlust and delaying the inevitable.

[misanthropicprinciple]

Oh, then fuck this.

[He toasts the ruins of Pitioss.]

Sayonara, asshole! May two thousand years of sand get clogged in your weirdo magic gears!

[founderinglight]

[Izunia chuckles and packs his half-finished cider, the big magitek lamp, and his hat into his Armiger before standing and offering Junpei a hand.

Hey kid wanna nyoom?]

Not that the scenery outside is much better, but at least Ravatogh isn't so dark. Shall we?

[misanthropicprinciple]

[NYOOM! Junpei is inebriated enough to accept the hand up gladly. He's not a lightweight, but that is the good stuff.]

Shall'st. Also, gesundheit.

[founderinglight]

Gesundwhat?

[Hey guess who doesn't have the fantasy equivalent of that particular German phrase. Instead he'll just pull Junpei a bit closer with that arm, locking it around the lower set of shoulders, and - ]

You may want to close your eyes, the vertigo's bad enough sober.

[ - flips a dagger in his free hand and throws it. OFF THEY MCFUCKIN GO.]

[misanthropicprinciple]

Whoa--

[BAMF, here they are. Also BAMFs. Junpei stumbles a little bit, but then just laughs.]

Damn, that is so much more fun when all your emotions work! Whoo!

[Raise! Your! Glass! Or bottle. You do you.]

[founderinglight]

[It actually takes a couple of warps to get them to the entrance, because STUPID PUZZLE DUNGEON CAN'T BE LINEAR, but hey we got this.

Izunia releases Junpei's shoulders as soon as he seems capable of standing on his own, the blue glow around him fading. There's still a streak of it behind them, and an afterimage, that will persist another ten seconds or so.]

...Do I want to know?

[misanthropicprinciple]

Oh, they transferred the fake Starscourge to me for a few days along with the rest of Dad's partially-nerfed powers. So that was fun.

[He shades his eyes with his robot hand and whistles at the scenery.]

Neat.

[founderinglight]

...I probably should not have asked.

[Excuse him for a moment he's not going to look at the scenery he's just gonna -

Junpei you probably didn't intend to edge the man halfway to a panic attack but hey there you go! Izunia presses a hand hard into his chest and takes deep breaths against the pressure.]