Uhh, for the good of my liver, I have to point out that downing an entire bottle this size would kill a nonmagical, normal human being my size? In a place like this, anyway. With all the spikes. Just saying.
[Junpei does not in any way, shape, or form, put the bottle back down.]
If the fifty thousand times I fell on the spikes and into nothingness or onto the fucking floor didn't wake me up, I don't know what will.
[He surveys their surroundings thoughtfully once more.]
I actually wasn't even sure I was dreaming. I mean, sure, physics are fucked and I guess this is the kind of puzzle-solving crap I'd dream about, but it felt a little... too not-me to be a dream. My subconscious doesn't typically work in dungeons.
I can't say it's especially likely to be mine, either. Aside from it being one of the few remnants of Solheim left by Noctis' era, I can't claim any particular connection to it.
[He gestures with the hand holding the bottle.]
If you'd rather, there are less oppressive surroundings.
[Hey guess who doesn't have the fantasy equivalent of that particular German phrase. Instead he'll just pull Junpei a bit closer with that arm, locking it around the lower set of shoulders, and - ]
You may want to close your eyes, the vertigo's bad enough sober.
[ - flips a dagger in his free hand and throws it. OFF THEY MCFUCKIN GO.]
[It actually takes a couple of warps to get them to the entrance, because STUPID PUZZLE DUNGEON CAN'T BE LINEAR, but hey we got this.
Izunia releases Junpei's shoulders as soon as he seems capable of standing on his own, the blue glow around him fading. There's still a streak of it behind them, and an afterimage, that will persist another ten seconds or so.]
[Excuse him for a moment he's not going to look at the scenery he's just gonna -
Junpei you probably didn't intend to edge the man halfway to a panic attack but hey there you go! Izunia presses a hand hard into his chest and takes deep breaths against the pressure.]
[Though he retracts the offered brandy, he's still keeping an eye on Uncle Shitweasel.]
It wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Lots of things aren't, when they're taken out of context. And Dad was around to watch out for me, too.
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[Did Ardyn ever mention that he was also the poetic garbage brother?]
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[And so he does.]
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Goodness but you are his brother's child.]
For the good of your liver, I am only providing you the one bottle.
[Two thousand year old adult.]
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[Junpei does not in any way, shape, or form, put the bottle back down.]
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[Don't worry Junpei your uncle has got this well in hand.]
Assuming you don't just wake up.
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[He surveys their surroundings thoughtfully once more.]
I actually wasn't even sure I was dreaming. I mean, sure, physics are fucked and I guess this is the kind of puzzle-solving crap I'd dream about, but it felt a little... too not-me to be a dream. My subconscious doesn't typically work in dungeons.
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I can't say it's especially likely to be mine, either. Aside from it being one of the few remnants of Solheim left by Noctis' era, I can't claim any particular connection to it.
[He gestures with the hand holding the bottle.]
If you'd rather, there are less oppressive surroundings.
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[Zero Escape is a Fun Puzzle Game! :)]
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[They're lucky it's not crawling in daemons like every other ruin from the time period.
...Well mostly Junpei is lucky. Izunia would be fine.]
I'm reasonably sure if there was anything here, Noctis cleaned it out in one of his endless fits of wanderlust and delaying the inevitable.
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[He toasts the ruins of Pitioss.]
Sayonara, asshole! May two thousand years of sand get clogged in your weirdo magic gears!
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Hey kid wanna nyoom?]
Not that the scenery outside is much better, but at least Ravatogh isn't so dark. Shall we?
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Shall'st. Also, gesundheit.
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[Hey guess who doesn't have the fantasy equivalent of that particular German phrase. Instead he'll just pull Junpei a bit closer with that arm, locking it around the lower set of shoulders, and - ]
You may want to close your eyes, the vertigo's bad enough sober.
[ - flips a dagger in his free hand and throws it. OFF THEY MCFUCKIN GO.]
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[BAMF, here they are. Also BAMFs. Junpei stumbles a little bit, but then just laughs.]
Damn, that is so much more fun when all your emotions work! Whoo!
[Raise! Your! Glass! Or bottle. You do you.]
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Izunia releases Junpei's shoulders as soon as he seems capable of standing on his own, the blue glow around him fading. There's still a streak of it behind them, and an afterimage, that will persist another ten seconds or so.]
...Do I want to know?
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[He shades his eyes with his robot hand and whistles at the scenery.]
Neat.
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[Excuse him for a moment he's not going to look at the scenery he's just gonna -
Junpei you probably didn't intend to edge the man halfway to a panic attack but hey there you go! Izunia presses a hand hard into his chest and takes deep breaths against the pressure.]
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...Sorry?
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It's not your fault that they went pulling on my own personal nightmares.
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[Though he retracts the offered brandy, he's still keeping an eye on Uncle Shitweasel.]
It wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Lots of things aren't, when they're taken out of context. And Dad was around to watch out for me, too.
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They made some really tasteless merchandise out of it, though. Little dolls and stuff. I know he bought at least one.
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Why would anyone - no. I am absolutely certain I don't want to know.
[Buy him an Ardyn plush though Junpei.]
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...And I say that as the identical twin of one of the most popular men in Solheim, so I leave you to figure out the kinds of propositions I got.
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