COLLAPSE THE WAVE MEME

[rampantfantasy]

Collapse the Waveform Meme

A meme for characters CRAU'd to heck and back.



image source

How many times now have you used that journal? How many places have you played that character?

How many friends, lovers, families have they found?

Well, here's some headache-inducing news: Ultimately, they're all the same person.

And now, the wave form has collapsed, and they actually are the same person. All of those memories, plus any new abilities and scars, smashing down into a single soul, a single incarnation.

On the bright side, at least whatever universe this is, you're not alone in it. On the less bright side, good luck navigating your relationships now.

Any CRAU character can respond to this meme, though of course, it's more interesting for characters who have been to at least two games. Meet your old friends, your new friends... Your friends' friends? Whatever. Consider noting down not only what games your characters have been to, but if you're open to three-people threads, for extra juggling-of-memories fun!

Comments

gabranth || ota || exit void, eachdraidh, eudio, recolle, etc

[judicatus]

[ ("etc" for anyone else who remembers some livejournal games... it's been a minute!)

in any case, only the drabwurld left any physical marks on him: the space where his right eye should be is sunken, scarred, and encased in a fine yet uneven patch of glittering silver. every other world has left only memories — memories of a steam train and a dark wood, of an impossible city that knew no conflict, of fey wilds ravaged by war, of...a world without the color blue? and dancing, smiling fruit?

it's all a bit much. he needs to sit down. ]

ohai

[wipedclean]

[Well shit that’s a lot of memories for a guy who’s had trouble with them in the past. But in the midst of all that, yeah, he sees that fuckin eye and remembers exactly what caused it.

Namely, him. He did it.

So he stands a few feet away, awkward as hell.]

Uh... I guess there’s no good way to go about this, but I’m sorry about the eye.

this is gonna go great

[judicatus]

[ gabranth is still sitting on the ground, still collecting himself, but he does hear bucky's voice. more importantly, he recognizes it.

he stares up at bucky — blankly at first, but then with a narrowed eye. ]

You're sorry.

8D

[wipedclean]

[Oooooh boy he knew this was a bad idea, he should’ve just turned around and walked away.

But he’s in it now, so he sits down too... nearby, close enough for conversation, but not close enough to be familiar.]

Yeah. I know it’s not nearly enough to make up for it, but... I just wanted to let you know.

[judicatus]

[ at first, his only response when bucky sits down is to look away. after a moment or two of silence, however, he lets out a deep sigh. ]

Each of us fully meant to kill the other. Had your blade missed its mark, I would not have halved my efforts to mark you with my own.

[ it was inevitable, perhaps; a consequence of the situation that particular world had thrust them both into.

not that the thought brings him much comfort, of course. ]

[wipedclean]

[Bucky shrugs.]

I know. It was a war, and I absolutely would’ve killed you. Looking back, knowing what I know now, I probably would’ve tried to find a way to avoid taking sides all together, but at the time... [He shakes his head.] You don’t need an explanation from me and you probably don’t want one. All I’m saying is, I’m sorry. You don’t have to accept it of forgive me or whatever, I don’t deserve it, and I’m not doing this for closure or getting rid of guilt or what have you. I’m just telling you.

[judicatus]

Neither of us were given a choice.

[ he doesn't expect bucky to feel any guilt over it. hell, it's not as though gabranth feels much guilt over the things he had to do in that world, or any other world, for that matter. and yet...

he sighs again, but this time it's more of a huff. ]

And if either of us is to be possessed of any guilt, I should think it better reserved for those sins we've committed by our own hands — not the hands of whichever cruel gods would guide us.

[ the gods know he has enough to atone for in ivalice without adding his deeds in the drabwurld onto the pile. perhaps this other man feels the same way. ]

[wipedclean]

[That all sounds an awful lot like what everyone keeps telling Bucky. It’s not his fault, Hydra made him do it, yadda yadda yadda. He sigs deeply.]

We did have a choice, though. We could choose how much we fought, and how hard. There was a point I could’ve said no. I didn’t have to go to that battle, but I did.

[chickbro]

Miss you babe.

[judicatus]

[ it has been a while, hasn't it. ]

I miss any part of my life resembling normalcy.

[ you know. compared to fairies and dragons and demons and everything else, maybe the dream world wasn't so bad. ]

[chickbro]

[ About seven years, give or take. ]

Don't we all. I take it you've had a hell of a time since we spoke last?

[judicatus]

[ it's been a minute, indeed. ]

To put it succintly, aye.

[ but hey, just look at him now: he's got a fucked up eye, she's got a fucked up eye, now they share more than just a first name! that's fun, right? right...? ]

[chickbro]

[ right. ]

I see you still talk like you're at a renaissance festival, so at least there's that.

[ She reaches out, prods between his eyes. ] Nice battle scar. You trying to copy me?

[judicatus]

[ his face twitches in annoyance, and he reflexively (but lightly) bats her hand away. not that she can do anything to make it worse, but... you know. personal space. ]

If this had been intentional, it would not have been nearly as gruesome. Or painful.

[chickbro]

[ personal space? never heard of it. ]

You know what they say: go hard or go home. [ probably not in regards to eyeball mutilation but that's not the point. ] What happened?

[judicatus]

[ he snorts at that. she's not wrong, though he wouldn't come close to admitting it. ]

War happened.

[ and. well. he's not wrong. maybe she's rubbed off on him a bit. ]

[chickbro]

Rough.

[ a pause as she debates her next question, but only for a few seconds. ] So you won, right?

[penumbral]

[He does not know what name to use for himself. Saïx, Aïs, Isa, Furugawa --

Who is he, really?

... his hair isn't brown, so he thinks he can safely scratch Furugawa off the list. But each history, each memory, is equally real. Including the memories of this kind of situation, of remembering everything. Memories of that being the norm.

It has been a long time.

And it feels different this time. It feels more as though he is... composed of many hearts stitched together, instead of one heart visiting many worlds.

Whoever he is, he recognizes the seated figure in front of him. (Of course he does. All these memories.) He wasn't present for each of these... selves, but he still knows which name to call him.]

Noah.

[judicatus]

[ that name should not sound so familiar to him now, and yet it does — and so does the man who gives voice to it, so painfully familiar. the long years between them unfold before his mind's eye in a flash: every quarrel, every mistake, and every moment that drew them together in spite of it all...

it's a lot to take in. he starts to wonder if all the time he spent alone was any easier to bear.

and he starts to wonder... ]

You have but one name to call me, and yet I have several for you. [ somehow, in spite of all the troubled thoughts spinning around in his head, he manages a wry smirk. ] Which one shall it be this time?

/breaks out the dw tools icons bc rip money

[penumbral]

[He hesitates. How does he answer this, when he isn't even sure what name to use for himself within his own thoughts? (That twist on Noah's lips causes an ache in his chest, and he feels fascinated with watching his expression shift, and one of the hearts in the quilt whispers, He is alive. He is alive.)] Do you have a preference? [is his dry response, quietly very relieved for all the experience in keeping his face neutral.]

rip.............................

[judicatus]

[ gabranth shuts his remaining eye as he takes in a deep breath through his nose, as he turns over memories like stacking stones in his mind: some with smooth, rounded edges, easily handled, while others are honed into sharp, jagged points. he treats each one with the same amount of care. ]

Compared to all the rest, it would seem I knew you best as Aïs. [ he looks up to him again, time time with a faint smile on his face. ] For better or worse.

[penumbral]

[He is alive, he is alive, he is alive and right here and I could touch him. He doesn't move.] Aïs, [he repeats softly, trying not to dwell on the shape of Noah's smile and failing.] It has been... [A long, long time, since he was the Nobody of that boy. Isa is so much more recent, and arguably more prominent. There is an ache in his chest, one that tastes like old lives and longing. But instead of finishing that sentence, he asks,] Which do you think it is? For the better, or the worse? [Questions, always questions, always as if he's circling every subject, restlessly seeking... what? Potential pain? Weakness? Disappointment? Even he isn't certain in this moment. He only feels the need, and this is a whim of the heart he can safely indulge.]

[judicatus]

[ if gabranth had even an ounce of energy left in him at this point he would be using it to stand, to meet saïx at his level. but the weight of reliving so many memories, so many years all at once, keeps him on the ground. ]

I should think...for the better. [ he takes another deep breath, another soft sigh. ] I should think that true no matter which name I called you. No matter how many hurts we might have left upon each other... I should think any time we spent together vastly preferable to those in which I was alone.

[ and he has spent so, so much time alone.

he looks up to saïx then, and stretches out a hand towards him. ]

[penumbral]

[The stitched-together heart in his chest experiences a deep, aching pang at Noah's words. Perhaps he should feel relief or gladness at his answer, given the first part of it, but... Alone. That had always been the way of it for him -- If he wasn't sent to another world, he was left isolated, deserted. And...] You never did weather being alone as well as I am capable of. [His voice is low, quiet, as if they're surrounded by others and he intends his words only for Noah. He hesitates, then slowly reaches out a hand to meet Noah's offered one. I, too, missed you.]

[judicatus]

[ once saïx's hand meets his own, gabranth lightly squeezes his grip, as though confirming that — yes, he is real. he is here. this is no cruel dream. ]

Aye, perhaps you've been better accustomed to it... But I cannot imagine that made your time alone any more pleasant than mine.

[ he smiles again, faintly, faint enough that it doesn't reach his eyes. as he looks to saïx, he pleads without words: Sit with me. ]