[ It isn't Izunia's fault. If it's anyone's fault it's the Astrals, all the gods who'd decided that the lives lost on the way to their Chosen King were a price worth paying. But she's been so helplessly angry for so long about all of it -- about Airlocked, and the Nonary Games and the Freelancer Project and Bahamut that it feels good to finally have something to vent at. ]
Don't you think if he deserved anything, he deserved that much? You talk about salvation but how was he supposed to be saved if no one even knew what was wrong?!
[ She's trying so hard to shut herself up and calm herself down but she can't. She knows how overblown and overwrought her anger must seem but -- well. If there's anything this family has in abundance it's spite and anger, isn't it? ]
...Bahamut himself told me there was nothing left. Just a daemon wearing my brother's skin, and I believed, because who would question the gods? I thought that my brother was gone by my hand, and only a daemon remained...
... I know I made unforgivable mistakes. That he still found happiness somewhere - being able to hear that is more than I deserve.
[He's tired, and old, and has a lot more practice beating himself up about the entire thing than Yuuri does. It's almost refreshing to have someone else do it.]
[ Bahamut. It all comes back to Bahamut, doesn't it?
Yuuri takes in a long slow breath and makes herself hold it, just long enough to calm herself down. There's nothing to be accomplished by yelling at a tired, sad old man who already knows the mistakes he's made. And besides that it's... surprisingly hard to keep up her anger when he looks so much like Ardyn. It feels like a cheap shot, but for all the things she can blame Izunia Lucis Caelum for, resemblance to his own twin is hardly one of them.
She sighs, just as long and slow as her breath in and her hands finally unclench. ]
... we're. We're doing what we can for him. We can't fix any of it or changed what happened but I...
[ She swallows hard and then pulls herself up to her full height, almost a little defiantly. ]
He's happy. It isn't perfect but... he had a home and a family and he's happy. I can promise you that much.
[The smile he gives her in return... Has also seen some shit.]
Ardyn and I came into adulthood in the last few years of the Astral War, dear girl, and that is just the tip of my iceberg. I assure you, I'm not going to capsize.
[He gestures at the fire, which has grown naturally during their more heated discussion and now offers some actual warmth.]
[ ... Ah, right, yes. It's probably better if she doesn't loom over him like that. With another of those sighs, Yuuri settles herself down next to the fire. She doesn't start speaking straight away -- she's fidgeting with the chain around her neck and the little black and white clover charm hanging from it, rolling it gently through her fingers like a worry stone. ]
... I said before that we met -- all of us back home -- we met when we woke up after being taken from the worlds where we belonged. We'd been brought to somewhere none of us recognized for some kind of show. To start with, there was twenty of us and--
[ She has to catch herself for a second because she hasn't actually called him Ardyn in so long that it's not the name she reaches for first. But that would raise even more questions than she's prepared to answer right now she she gives herself a moment to verbally backspace. ]
... and one of the people with us was Ardyn. And as far as he remembered... um, I think it was before everything had happened. He knew about the Starscourge but for him... it hadn't gotten as bad as it did. Not as far as he remembered.
That's how it was for all of us. We all woke up there with memories missing. I still don't know why or what the point of it was but what matters is that even though they'd brought him after you-- [ another pause. another verbal backspace. ] ... so long after it all happened, as far as he remembered he was still Ardyn Lucis Caelum.
[At some point while she's speaking, Izunia has picked up another twig to worry between his fingers again. No point in hiding the habit now, after all, and while he'd prefer a pen or dagger, it will do.
He's tense,because even if she hasn't gotten there yet, he can feel another shoe waiting to drop.]
It is.
Edited (lala phone tag typos) 2017-12-17 19:25 (UTC)
[ She swallows hard and nods. She doesn't know how much Izunia knows of what had become of his brother after their attempts to put him down and she doesn't have the context to be able to give him the full picture of what had happened to Lucis. But she has to try, at least. ]
When we started remembering things, most of it was jumbled and out of order. So when he started remembering some of the things he'd done to people I don't think he understood why. When we talked about it a little into the game I remember he said... he said he was afraid of what it meant he'd turned into.
[ Because he didn't know who or what Ardyn Izunia was. Not so long as he still had reason to believe he was Ardyn Lucis Caelum. ]
Especially since at the time they took him he was still... he still had that inside of him. And he didn't even know. He had to work it out for himself.
[ - Ah, there is the shoe, he thinks. The spinning twig in his hand goes briefly still, at the mention of Ardyn's continued infection, then flips so that Izunia can squeeze it in a fist.]
I... I suppose I can only hope it was less traumatic than the first time he discovered what the Scourge had done to him.
[Not that getting back memories of that would have been very pleasant, either, but Izunia can hope, for some few small things.]
Though I can scarce imagine... I know some of he things my brother did towards the end of his existence.
[Not life. You couldn't call that living. Izunia killed Ardyn, it's just that Ardyn persisted after, long after anyone should have.]
Not all, but... Enough, to get some idea of what he must have remembered.
... he remembered those first, I think. He remembered doing all that before he remembered the Starscourge and what you-- ... What happened because of it.
[ she swallows and wets her lips even though her mouth is suddenly dry. ]
But we did everything we could. We were so scared we'd lose him but we'd promised -- all of us had promised each other we'd stay together and that we'd have each others backs. And even with everything he'd done, none of us could just turn on him, after everything he'd done for us and everything we'd all been through together.
[ ... Ah. That's the part she's left out, isn't it? ]
Because it... It wasn't just playing with our memories and kidnapping us. Part of the show was... the whole point was seeing what it would take for us to kill each other. They'd trapped us and every week they'd give us things to try and motivate us into doing it like... Like money. Or changing the past or just being able to escape.
All we had to do was kill someone in there and get away with it.
Izunia takes a deep breath, to keep from shuddering, and spins the twig almost frantically between his fingers again. He doesn't know how he should react, which means he falls back on a reaction something like Ardyn's, which is - ]
I suppose he's lucky - 'Ardyn Izunia' would have been among the first on the chopping block, if only because someone got fed up with his shenanigans.
[ - Laugh it off, even if it's a joke in poor taste.]
[ She gives him a tired little smile -- the kind of face you make when you don't really want to be smiling, but letting how you really feel show on your face might just be your undoing. ]
We lost so many people but hardly any of it was on purpose. None of us wanted to hurt anyone there or be hurt. But it just kept going and going and--
[ She stops, has to catch her breath and for a minute she just stares into the fire like she's not sure what else to say. She's never been able to talk about Airlocked and everything it'd been with someone who didn't at least have some level of understanding. There's so much she isn't saying and so much she just can't explain to him. But letting out any of it at all feels cathartic, in the same way ripping off a bandaid does. ]
... and in the end, when we were all falling apart, I think it was a little too much for him, as well. He was the one holding us all together but he was so close to falling apart himself. And he got desperate enough, I think, to go to the people running it all. And I don't know how or why but... they took it from him. The Starscourge, I mean. And now he's just as human as any of us.
[He's still listening intently even if his fingers can't stay still, the same kind of what else can you do but laugh smile on his face as well, until - ]
...And it was gone? Just... just like that?
[Without a king of the light needing to sacrifice himself, without even killing Ardyn himself -
It's the second time this conversation that Izunia has heard impossible news, impossibly good news, and it's a good thing that his cover is blown because he
reaches up to his face
and his fingers come away wet
and then he is absolutely bawling into his hands because of all the impossible wishes in his heart, this was one that he knew it wasn't even possible to dream -
[ In hindsight, really, she should've expected this. Maybe she should've given him a little more warning but... well, how do you prepared someone for a bombshell like that?
She hasn't got a tissue or a handkerchief or anything she can offer him so she sits there awkwardly for a moment, unsure of herself before she remembers -- the blankets, you idiot. There's one on her battered little sofa that's relatively clean so she hastens to her feet, grabs it and them makes her way over to his side. It makes her stomach twist a little to see him weeping so openly but she doesn't know what else to do other than offer him the blanket, to wipe or cover his face or anything. She's floundering a bit. ]
Here. I'm... I'm sorry. [ for what, she's not sure, but it feels like the right thing to say. ]
[ As soon as he hugs her, Yuuri freezes, looking once again like a deer caught in headlights. She's so tense it's probably more like hugging a statue than an actual person and she's half leaning back from him like she's considering stepping away and out of the hug. It's funny, considering how much of a cuddlebug she is with her own family, but having it come from a stranger (a stranger wearing Ardyn's face, at that) it's a little uncomfortable.
... but he's family in a sense too, isn't he? He's certainly got more of a claim to that than Yuuri does. And as much as she likes to think she's been able to toughen up her heart, it's difficult to harden it too much to someone actively weeping against you.
So she lifts one hand and offers him a slightly awkward pat on the back -- it's clear she's trying even through her discomfort. ]
There's-- there's nothing you need to thank me for, not really, you know.
After a few more hiccups, Izunia seems to remember himself and very suddenly drops his arms away from her and pulls back. It turns out that he's got a handkerchief buried somewhere in that outfit, anyway, because he pulls it from somewhere (could even have been a deft sleight of hand from the Armiger, honestly) and starts wiping awkwardly at his face.]
Don't be foolish. It may not have been your intent, but - you've given me a gift beyond measure.
[Exhale - sniffle - proper inhale.]
And - thank you, for supporting him. I know it can't have been easy.
Oh-- no, no, really, if anything, it should be the other way around! I should be thanking-- um, well, him, really, but...
[ She's a bit wrong footed and it takes her a moment to find her bearings again. Of all the things she was expecting or even hoping would arrive on the beach today, Izunia has been exactly none of them. So you can't blame her for needing to take a moment to recover from being blindsided like this. ]
What I meant is... when I woke up in that place, I didn't have much of anything left either. I certainly didn't have anywhere I could go home and my family were...
[ Pause. Swallow. And then the tiniest of smiles. But it's a little warmer and more sincere than the ones that came before it. ]
It's not like it was all a one way street. They've all given me more than I ever could've asked for -- and I love all of them very much. And that includes D-- [ OOOOOOOKAY LET'S PRETEND SHE DID NOT JUST ALMOST DROP THE PARENTAL WORD AND HASTILY VERBALLY BACKSPACE ] -- th--that includes your brother.
[He is still trying to get himself in order - hey Armiger, what the hell, take his handkerchief so that he doesn't have to carry it in a pocket like some kind of rube - when she drops
that
syllable
...Come on, Yuuri, surely you didn't think he'd miss that because even having reached the point in experiencing every possible emotion today where he's kind of running out of them, Izunia is quick and clever just like his brother. He smells weaknesses like that.
Fortunately this one is embarrassing for both of them so he is just going to not quite look at her as he asks - ]
Astrals, am I an uncle?
[He is too tired to give that any of the excitement it should deserve, really. Too much good news, too fast.]
[ Goodness, that's a fetching shade of red your face has gone, Miss Wakasa. She just splutters for a moment, not quite sure how she's supposed to answer that. ]
I-- well, um, it's-- it's not exactly anything official?! We're not even close to being blood related and I'd say I'm a little too old to be adopted or anything like that, but um...
[ There's literally no way to talk her way out of this one, is there? Megu-nee, please take the wheel. ]
And-- and in my defense! Junpei was the one who started it! [ ... Izunia has no idea who Junpei is. ] What I mean is-- It wasn't exactly my idea to start calling him-- well. You get the idea!
[ your idiot nephew! the Accursed Immortal has adopted no less than three (3) fully grown children, sir ]
Well, I suppose... After everything, it must sound like an amazing improvement.
[ not that she's any less red. at least Noctis knew what she was calling his Nemesis™ before they actually ran into him. It's more than a little embarrassing to have tripped herself up like that in front of Izunia of all people. ]
... I'm just sorry it couldn't have happened a little sooner. And that it had to be somewhere so far from home.
[ A great deal to wake up to. And Yuuri hasn't even told him all of it yet, has she?
She looks uncomfortable for a moment, fighting with herself a bit on if she should say something or not. She's just dropped so many bombshells on him that it's a wonder he hasn't just stood up and walked out of the hut before she can say anything else. But it's him getting up and walking out and running into a certain someone that she's worried about. ]
... I think I should warn you now then, before it's a little too late. He's already here. Ardyn, I mean.
[ And the fact that she calls him Ardyn should make it clear that this isn't as good news as what came before. ]
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[ It isn't Izunia's fault. If it's anyone's fault it's the Astrals, all the gods who'd decided that the lives lost on the way to their Chosen King were a price worth paying. But she's been so helplessly angry for so long about all of it -- about Airlocked, and the Nonary Games and the Freelancer Project and Bahamut that it feels good to finally have something to vent at. ]
Don't you think if he deserved anything, he deserved that much? You talk about salvation but how was he supposed to be saved if no one even knew what was wrong?!
[ She's trying so hard to shut herself up and calm herself down but she can't. She knows how overblown and overwrought her anger must seem but -- well. If there's anything this family has in abundance it's spite and anger, isn't it? ]
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[Bitter and pained and guilty and -]
...Bahamut himself told me there was nothing left. Just a daemon wearing my brother's skin, and I believed, because who would question the gods? I thought that my brother was gone by my hand, and only a daemon remained...
... I know I made unforgivable mistakes. That he still found happiness somewhere - being able to hear that is more than I deserve.
[He's tired, and old, and has a lot more practice beating himself up about the entire thing than Yuuri does. It's almost refreshing to have someone else do it.]
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Yuuri takes in a long slow breath and makes herself hold it, just long enough to calm herself down. There's nothing to be accomplished by yelling at a tired, sad old man who already knows the mistakes he's made. And besides that it's... surprisingly hard to keep up her anger when he looks so much like Ardyn. It feels like a cheap shot, but for all the things she can blame Izunia Lucis Caelum for, resemblance to his own twin is hardly one of them.
She sighs, just as long and slow as her breath in and her hands finally unclench. ]
... we're. We're doing what we can for him. We can't fix any of it or changed what happened but I...
[ She swallows hard and then pulls herself up to her full height, almost a little defiantly. ]
He's happy. It isn't perfect but... he had a home and a family and he's happy. I can promise you that much.
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[Only good news he's gotten in two thousand years, actually.
Slowly, something uncurls in him. He's... Lighter, in a way that's impossible to put a finger on. He's put down a burden for the first time.]
I have no real right to ask, but - please. Tell me everything.
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[ She gives him a strained sort of smile that just screams "I've seen some shit" ]
It's a very long story and it's... well, let's just say the parts I already told you are basically the tip of the iceberg.
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Ardyn and I came into adulthood in the last few years of the Astral War, dear girl, and that is just the tip of my iceberg. I assure you, I'm not going to capsize.
[He gestures at the fire, which has grown naturally during their more heated discussion and now offers some actual warmth.]
Though it might be for the best if you sat down.
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... I said before that we met -- all of us back home -- we met when we woke up after being taken from the worlds where we belonged. We'd been brought to somewhere none of us recognized for some kind of show. To start with, there was twenty of us and--
[ She has to catch herself for a second because she hasn't actually called him Ardyn in so long that it's not the name she reaches for first. But that would raise even more questions than she's prepared to answer right now she she gives herself a moment to verbally backspace. ]
... and one of the people with us was Ardyn. And as far as he remembered... um, I think it was before everything had happened. He knew about the Starscourge but for him... it hadn't gotten as bad as it did. Not as far as he remembered.
That's how it was for all of us. We all woke up there with memories missing. I still don't know why or what the point of it was but what matters is that even though they'd brought him after you-- [ another pause. another verbal backspace. ] ... so long after it all happened, as far as he remembered he was still Ardyn Lucis Caelum.
I--is this all making sense so far...?
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He's tense,because even if she hasn't gotten there yet, he can feel another shoe waiting to drop.]
It is.
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When we started remembering things, most of it was jumbled and out of order. So when he started remembering some of the things he'd done to people I don't think he understood why. When we talked about it a little into the game I remember he said... he said he was afraid of what it meant he'd turned into.
[ Because he didn't know who or what Ardyn Izunia was. Not so long as he still had reason to believe he was Ardyn Lucis Caelum. ]
Especially since at the time they took him he was still... he still had that inside of him. And he didn't even know. He had to work it out for himself.
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I... I suppose I can only hope it was less traumatic than the first time he discovered what the Scourge had done to him.
[Not that getting back memories of that would have been very pleasant, either, but Izunia can hope, for some few small things.]
Though I can scarce imagine... I know some of he things my brother did towards the end of his existence.
[Not life. You couldn't call that living. Izunia killed Ardyn, it's just that Ardyn persisted after, long after anyone should have.]
Not all, but... Enough, to get some idea of what he must have remembered.
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[ she swallows and wets her lips even though her mouth is suddenly dry. ]
But we did everything we could. We were so scared we'd lose him but we'd promised -- all of us had promised each other we'd stay together and that we'd have each others backs. And even with everything he'd done, none of us could just turn on him, after everything he'd done for us and everything we'd all been through together.
[ ... Ah. That's the part she's left out, isn't it? ]
Because it... It wasn't just playing with our memories and kidnapping us. Part of the show was... the whole point was seeing what it would take for us to kill each other. They'd trapped us and every week they'd give us things to try and motivate us into doing it like... Like money. Or changing the past or just being able to escape.
All we had to do was kill someone in there and get away with it.
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Izunia takes a deep breath, to keep from shuddering, and spins the twig almost frantically between his fingers again. He doesn't know how he should react, which means he falls back on a reaction something like Ardyn's, which is - ]
I suppose he's lucky - 'Ardyn Izunia' would have been among the first on the chopping block, if only because someone got fed up with his shenanigans.
[ - Laugh it off, even if it's a joke in poor taste.]
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[ She gives him a tired little smile -- the kind of face you make when you don't really want to be smiling, but letting how you really feel show on your face might just be your undoing. ]
We lost so many people but hardly any of it was on purpose. None of us wanted to hurt anyone there or be hurt. But it just kept going and going and--
[ She stops, has to catch her breath and for a minute she just stares into the fire like she's not sure what else to say. She's never been able to talk about Airlocked and everything it'd been with someone who didn't at least have some level of understanding. There's so much she isn't saying and so much she just can't explain to him. But letting out any of it at all feels cathartic, in the same way ripping off a bandaid does. ]
... and in the end, when we were all falling apart, I think it was a little too much for him, as well. He was the one holding us all together but he was so close to falling apart himself. And he got desperate enough, I think, to go to the people running it all. And I don't know how or why but... they took it from him. The Starscourge, I mean. And now he's just as human as any of us.
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...And it was gone? Just... just like that?
[Without a king of the light needing to sacrifice himself, without even killing Ardyn himself -
It's the second time this conversation that Izunia has heard impossible news, impossibly good news, and it's a good thing that his cover is blown because he
reaches up to his face
and his fingers come away wet
and then he is absolutely bawling into his hands because of all the impossible wishes in his heart, this was one that he knew it wasn't even possible to dream -
And it happened.]
Oh, gods. Oh, Ardyn...
[Somewhere in the tears, his voice hiccups.]
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[ In hindsight, really, she should've expected this. Maybe she should've given him a little more warning but... well, how do you prepared someone for a bombshell like that?
She hasn't got a tissue or a handkerchief or anything she can offer him so she sits there awkwardly for a moment, unsure of herself before she remembers -- the blankets, you idiot. There's one on her battered little sofa that's relatively clean so she hastens to her feet, grabs it and them makes her way over to his side. It makes her stomach twist a little to see him weeping so openly but she doesn't know what else to do other than offer him the blanket, to wipe or cover his face or anything. She's floundering a bit. ]
Here. I'm... I'm sorry. [ for what, she's not sure, but it feels like the right thing to say. ]
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He does manage to look up from his crying at her approach to his side, but the blanket goes ignored -
in favor of throwing his arms around her and squeezing, with continued hiccuping sobs.]
Thank you. Thank you.
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... but he's family in a sense too, isn't he? He's certainly got more of a claim to that than Yuuri does. And as much as she likes to think she's been able to toughen up her heart, it's difficult to harden it too much to someone actively weeping against you.
So she lifts one hand and offers him a slightly awkward pat on the back -- it's clear she's trying even through her discomfort. ]
There's-- there's nothing you need to thank me for, not really, you know.
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After a few more hiccups, Izunia seems to remember himself and very suddenly drops his arms away from her and pulls back. It turns out that he's got a handkerchief buried somewhere in that outfit, anyway, because he pulls it from somewhere (could even have been a deft sleight of hand from the Armiger, honestly) and starts wiping awkwardly at his face.]
Don't be foolish. It may not have been your intent, but - you've given me a gift beyond measure.
[Exhale - sniffle - proper inhale.]
And - thank you, for supporting him. I know it can't have been easy.
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[ She's a bit wrong footed and it takes her a moment to find her bearings again. Of all the things she was expecting or even hoping would arrive on the beach today, Izunia has been exactly none of them. So you can't blame her for needing to take a moment to recover from being blindsided like this. ]
What I meant is... when I woke up in that place, I didn't have much of anything left either. I certainly didn't have anywhere I could go home and my family were...
[ Pause. Swallow. And then the tiniest of smiles. But it's a little warmer and more sincere than the ones that came before it. ]
It's not like it was all a one way street. They've all given me more than I ever could've asked for -- and I love all of them very much. And that includes D-- [ OOOOOOOKAY LET'S PRETEND SHE DID NOT JUST ALMOST DROP THE PARENTAL WORD AND HASTILY VERBALLY BACKSPACE ] -- th--that includes your brother.
no subject
that
syllable
...Come on, Yuuri, surely you didn't think he'd miss that because even having reached the point in experiencing every possible emotion today where he's kind of running out of them, Izunia is quick and clever just like his brother. He smells weaknesses like that.
Fortunately this one is embarrassing for both of them so he is just going to not quite look at her as he asks - ]
Astrals, am I an uncle?
[He is too tired to give that any of the excitement it should deserve, really. Too much good news, too fast.]
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I-- well, um, it's-- it's not exactly anything official?! We're not even close to being blood related and I'd say I'm a little too old to be adopted or anything like that, but um...
[ There's literally no way to talk her way out of this one, is there? Megu-nee, please take the wheel. ]
And-- and in my defense! Junpei was the one who started it! [ ... Izunia has no idea who Junpei is. ] What I mean is-- It wasn't exactly my idea to start calling him-- well. You get the idea!
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Relax, the last thing I'm going to be is angry -
[Especially at this point.]
... Actually, I think I'm rather too exhausted to feel much of any emotion beyond 'impossibly glad' at this point.
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Well, I suppose... After everything, it must sound like an amazing improvement.
[ not that she's any less red. at least Noctis knew what she was calling his Nemesis™ before they actually ran into him. It's more than a little embarrassing to have tripped herself up like that in front of Izunia of all people. ]
... I'm just sorry it couldn't have happened a little sooner. And that it had to be somewhere so far from home.
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I don't think I'm actually going to be able to process it for some time. It's... A great deal to wake up to.
[He spent two thousand years as a ring with nothing to show for it and then some girl from another world just hands him the Dawn itself on a platter.]
And I know it does nothing to make up anything with Ardyn, but... Consider me at your absolute disposal. For anything.
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She looks uncomfortable for a moment, fighting with herself a bit on if she should say something or not. She's just dropped so many bombshells on him that it's a wonder he hasn't just stood up and walked out of the hut before she can say anything else. But it's him getting up and walking out and running into a certain someone that she's worried about. ]
... I think I should warn you now then, before it's a little too late. He's already here. Ardyn, I mean.
[ And the fact that she calls him Ardyn should make it clear that this isn't as good news as what came before. ]
He's been here for a while now.
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yuuri are you sending him straight into ardyn's lap right now
she's doing her best you be nice to her
god NAO GET IN HERE
Re: god NAO GET IN HERE
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